Tuesday, April 15, 2008

How things change

The thrill of having a girl this time has thrown all of my gender neutral ideas for clothing and such straight out the window, to a certain extent.

Back in the day, woe was the pimply faced teenager working the McD's drive through who would ask if I wanted a "boy or girl" toy. I would get mad and tell them to tell me WHAT the toys were, and kids could play with whichever one they preferred and it shouldn't be based on gender. (My boys ALWAYS picked the "boy" toys, though...) And I still totally agree with that.
But when it is coming to clothes and such, I am choosing "girl" stuff like crazy.

And I have also come to realize that nature vs. nurture doesn't really make a difference. I have two boys who have never wanted anything girly at all. They both were into construction vehicles, cars, trains, etc from very very young, no matter what kind of toys I gave them to choose from.

It's possible I will have a girl that doesn't give a fig about anything girly at all, but that comes down to the individual and I realized that you can't really do much one way or the other to influence what your kids will prefer.

If I get a girl gendered kid that only wants cars and to play in the mud, great! If I get a girly girl that loves princesses and dolls and anything pink, great. Not much I will be able to do or want to do other than offer choices about it. I was a bit of both. I LOVED my brother's hot wheels and he-man stuff and I slept with a big plastic incredible hulk doll for a few years. But I also loved barbies and playing house, and other "girly" things, too.

I don't ever believe in telling a child that they shouldn't be a certain way because it's not "feminine" or ever justifying some jerk like behavior just because "that's how boys are". Those are the things that are total bs. But as far as the individual, they will have their own preferences having way more to do with their personality over their having a penis or vulva, you know?

IF one of my boys would have wanted to dress in a tutu and a tiara, I was totally ok with that, too. (They never did, though) And I had a hell of a time ever finding cool boys clothes that didn't dress them like mini frat boys *shudder*.

Max has chosen to have long hair, but at times he contemplates cutting it because he hates to brush it as he is very tender headed AND because he gets mistaken for a girl sometimes. This has been his choice, since it's his hair and he can choose what he wants to do with it.
It's kind of like me being ADAMANTLY opposed to circumcision. I would never cut off another person's body part without their express permission. If it's something that they choose or need to have later in life, that's going to be for them to decide.

Overall, I just think I have raised some amazing PEOPLE thus far, regardless of gender, and I will continue to allow personal choices for all of my children based on their preferences, not gender.

But I am enjoying buying the "girl" stuff for the first year before she'll be able to tell me to cut that sh*t out if that's what she wants :P

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