Monday, July 21, 2008

Madeleine Anaise

I'm just cutting and pasting the post I made on the Mothering boards:


Early Saturday morning, July 19th, 8 days before my edd, around 4am, when I was finally going into bed for the night, I went to pee first and because of all the talk of obsessive toilet paper checking, checked my paper, which I had just started doing, and it looked pink tinged. So I wiped again to make sure and yup, it was a bit of light pink.

I told dh as we crawled into bed.
I fell asleep fairly easily but didn't sleep well. I think I was a little excited. I woke up a few times through the night, but was able to go right back to sleep, though not deeply.

At just before 10 I woke up and it felt a little weird down there, and I was wondering if I had mucus plug trying to come out or what. After a few minutes of trying to decide if I wanted to get up to go pee and check there was a little pop and warm fluid. Not a whole lot, but enough that I was pretty sure my water broke (this is the first time it's broken before way late into labor).
I told dh and we got up to put in a load of baby clothes and the new sheets in the laundry. (That day was supposed to be laundry day so it hadn't been done yet!) I had a few mild contractions going to the laundry room and knew that this would be picking up pretty quickly.

When we got back to the apt I lost my plug in a big way. I called my best friend because I suddenly thought I might like to have her there cause we had a bit of stuff to get done. I also called one of my closest friends who lives in my apts who is a professional photographer, and she wanted to at least get some early labor shots if I felt like letting her. So she came over at about 10:45 and my contractions were picking up. My best friend got here around 11:15 and things were already starting to get very intense. My friend A needed to make a battery run, so she left to do that, and my best friend K came into the room with me while Chris went to switch over laundry. She had filled up my birth ball for me, but I wanted to lay down cause I was starting to feel nauseated.

When Chris came back I was starting to feel kind of panicky, cause things were getting very hard very fast and I just didn't feel like she was positioned well. I could tell she had gone completely head down, but wasn't moving down in a good way. I wasn't worried about her, I was worried about me, to be honest.

Contractions were still spaced a ways apart, so I knew it wasn't transition yet, so I knew when I was SURE I wanted to go to the hospital it wasn't just me freaking out, it was more than that.

At this point they were coming about 3-4 minutes apart and lasting a minute or so, and I couldn't keep my focus through them at all. That wasn't a good feeling, and I told Chris to grab a few things (my robe, and the camera, I think) and shove them in a bag and that I wanted to go NOW.

The hospital we decided to go to is only about 4? miles away, and I had about 4 contractions on the way there. That was BAD. I was leaning over into the bad seat just dry heaving and screaming, and COULD NOT GET IT TOGETHER. I think that was the worst part. I was able to keep it together in my previous births. I may have been quite vocal but I KNOW screaming tightens, etc. But I could not manage.

We got to the hospital, and I had a few contractions getting into the room and changed. At this point I think it was about 12:30. When whoever it was checked me I was only at 6cm. It wasn't a surprise at all, I knew I wouldn't be farther than that. I had a really hard time getting through things for the next while, and I had just a bit of a lip and was fully dilated close to 2. At this point I was nominally better at vocalizing in good ways except during peaks, but it was still impossible to stay focused through. I was a mess.

She was posterior, kinda badly positioned, but started at some point to have a major issue with decels, and I was fully dilated. They wanted me to push since she WAS starting to have those decels and my water was broken, and so I did, but not well at all. That was really bad. Her heart rate evened out, though, and I pushed for close to half an hour, and she kept going right back up each time. And I could FEEL her head hitting my pubic bones. It just didn't feel right. I told them this and told them I HAD to stop pushing, cause also at that point I literally thought my back and tailbone were on the verge of breaking. So the ob said ok, we'll wait, cause I obviously was NOT going to keep pushing

I told them I really wanted an epidural (again, actually), (I felt ok with this since I would NOT have pit and I was already fully dilated). The nurse I had who was wonderful, got the anesthesiologist in there for me, and somehow I managed to love through getting the epidural put in without moving during a contraction. He didn't hook me up to the drip since they figured I would have the baby any time. One contraction, same awful. Next one, ok. The next? I was just fine. I could still feel them and was completely aware of what my body was doing, but there was no pain. It was amazing. I NEVER thought I would be in a hospital again, with an epidural! and happy about it, but I was. Oh boy, I was. I guess circumstances make all the difference. A posterior baby stuck on pelvic bones with broken water? Yeah... That made the difference to me!

The ob (some random guy I'd never seen before, but he was ok. The obs are really quite superfluous really, ime, as long as they're not jerks) saw that now that I was comfortable and the baby was just fine we could take however long we needed and try to let the baby turn. So I would lay on my right side, then my left, for about half an hour each, then my nurse would ask me to turn again. Which was amusing seeing as how I had an epidural and had a heck of a time maneuvering my legs!! But I managed.

The epidural was done perfectly, too. I really could feel what my body was doing every moment, I could tell when she had finally turned, and just felt her descend really well, in the perfect position this time. They were really hands off, and trusted me to just tell them what I was feeling. My nurse just told me they would check again when the pressure starting feeling almost constant. The epidural was starting to wear off so she called the guy back to just put me on the drip. He was surprised to see me again
During this time dh & I sat listening to a podcast sharing my ipod headphones just holding hands and waiting to meet our new baby girl. That is a wonderful memory. I let my bff come in for a bit, too, then she ran to get her and my dh some food.

And the pressure just got stronger, and my body was pushing. I was still able to breathe through it, though for a little bit longer, and when I was just pushing and I felt like I could poop out the baby any time, I told her I thought the doctor should probably come and check me, she was thinking the same thing.

So he came back in and asked me just to give a little push, and yup, sure enough he told me she had hair and to try to breathe through so as not to push so hard for just a minute so he could change the bed bottom

I didn't even care about being in the stupid laying down position then, she was so far down and perfectly ready to come out it didn't make a bit of difference. I pushed once, knew her head was starting to crown, pushed again, out came her head, then they reminded me to go slow and let her come out , which I was able to do, and there she was! 3 pushes! The cord was wrapped around her neck, (explains a lot of things) and so they cut it soon, which I was totally ok with at that point. Then they handed me my baby girl. (No tearing, barely any swelling, a little bit of a skid mark, but it's nothing really. I can't believe how fine I feel!)

She was so covered in vernix, it was amazing! And she was so small! She was very mucusy, so I actually wanted her suctioned well. She came out pretty fast overall once she actually got down there, so I don't think it all got squeezed out.
(She also choked a few times and puked the first night, too. I had a bulb syringe and actually used it a few times.)

She was born at 5:45pm, 7-19-08. 7lb1oz. 19.5" long. So little!

Wow, I just realized how long this is getting.

Anyway, things went exceptionally well. I had planned a UC, and never thought I would go to a hospital ever again. And while under most any other circumstance I wouldn't have I am very very happy with my decision to go. I listened to myself and made the informed choice when the time came.
I was there on my terms, and I was also there knowing that making the decision to go would make it necessary for me to pick my battles. I think that made all of the difference.

I was open and vocal on my feelings, had a fantastic nurse, even if we didn't agree about hospital/homebirth on some issues, we had a great dialogue and I just enjoyed talking to her.

I was pleased that I didn't have to fight with them not to do anything I wouldn't have wanted to do. They were all overall great.

And I am still fully supportive of UC. homebirth, natural birth, all of it in a big bad way, but I am more appreciative of other circumstances in which a well informed decision can make me in wonder and awe of the magic of a well done epidural.

I feel wonderful, the baby is a marathon nurser and I certainly hope my milk comes in sooner rather than later because she's nursing for HOURS and my nipples are sore I got a fantastic night's sleep last night, though. I am so glad to have been able to go straight into nursing while laying down and sleeping!

Anyway, it wasn't the way I planned to birth, but I am SO HAPPY with the way it went.


Amanda said...

You are such an amazing mamma! *hugs* I can't wait to see her!

jessica @pianomomsicle said...

Yay!!!! Congrats, mom!!! You have yourself a BEAUTIFUL baby girl, and your daughter has a great mama!
i'm also glad the hospital experience worked out well for you. It's better to be flexible and do what will work best for you and the baby, i think.

congrats!! Can't wait to hear more about her!