It's been a while.
Just a quick update, since it's ass crack of dawn:30
Maddie is now 3 months old and just the most amazing thing. I am so in love with my smiley, wonderful, happy baby.
Miles is taking ice skating lessons. His favorite color is pink, so he has some spiffy pink ice skates. He's going to be 7 in December. He's in LOVE with electronics and figuring out how things work. He adores the game Spore & the game Crazy Machines, where you put together Rube Goldberg type machines.
Max is still 9, and just got his white stripe on his green belt in TaeKwonDo, which he is really proud of. He's also currently obsessed with Pokemon. His Pokemon obsession comes and goes, but it's been on for the last few months. I don't know that he is currently capable of having an entire conversation without getting distracted and bringing pokemon into it.
Both of the boys voted in the Kids Vote thing on Nick. Obama, of course. They also dig talking politics. They are both in chess club at the library. They both love being homeschooled. Their eyeballs obviously have extra sparkles.
Maddie is smiling, drooling, loves to be held so that she can stand, learning what hands are for, contemplating her legs, considering her body's ability to roll over.
I am happy, no PPD, which is good.
I think my meds could be working better, though, cause I am having some issues with mood swings and general bitchiness. I am also over the top with anxiety lately, but I think that's just kind of in the air. The election, the economy, etc.
I cannot wait until the election is over.
My husband is, as always, awesome. I love him with all of my heart and I am so happy to be married to him. He is also an amazing daddy, parent to the boys, and just an all around great guy. Not to mention Teh Sexxy.
My BFF had a hysterectomy today, her husband called to tell me she was out of surgery and doing well. So Yay! I will go see her next weekend, once she's out of the hospital and chillaxin' at the 'rents house.
Halloween is Friday! w00t! It's my favorite holiday! Some friends are having their 10th wedding anniversary party, so we are going to go to their place, the kids will do TorTing, and much fun will be had by all. Can't figure out a costume for me or Chris but whatever, I'm sure I'll come up with something. Maybe.
Anyway, it is 4 in the morning, and I have no business being awake.
This is the most boring post ever, but I am too tired to try to be entertaining.
Showing posts with label kids. Show all posts
Showing posts with label kids. Show all posts
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Monday, August 18, 2008
An Update!
Wow, I haven't updated in a while!
I have just been enjoying my new baby girl immensely. She is such a sweet little thing, and each day Chris and I are in awe of this beautiful little creature.
The boys both admit she's pretty cool, too :)
Monday, July 21, 2008
Madeleine Anaise
I'm just cutting and pasting the post I made on the Mothering boards:
Pictures!
Early Saturday morning, July 19th, 8 days before my edd, around 4am, when I was finally going into bed for the night, I went to pee first and because of all the talk of obsessive toilet paper checking, checked my paper, which I had just started doing, and it looked pink tinged. So I wiped again to make sure and yup, it was a bit of light pink.
I told dh as we crawled into bed.
I fell asleep fairly easily but didn't sleep well. I think I was a little excited. I woke up a few times through the night, but was able to go right back to sleep, though not deeply.
At just before 10 I woke up and it felt a little weird down there, and I was wondering if I had mucus plug trying to come out or what. After a few minutes of trying to decide if I wanted to get up to go pee and check there was a little pop and warm fluid. Not a whole lot, but enough that I was pretty sure my water broke (this is the first time it's broken before way late into labor).
I told dh and we got up to put in a load of baby clothes and the new sheets in the laundry. (That day was supposed to be laundry day so it hadn't been done yet!) I had a few mild contractions going to the laundry room and knew that this would be picking up pretty quickly.
When we got back to the apt I lost my plug in a big way. I called my best friend because I suddenly thought I might like to have her there cause we had a bit of stuff to get done. I also called one of my closest friends who lives in my apts who is a professional photographer, and she wanted to at least get some early labor shots if I felt like letting her. So she came over at about 10:45 and my contractions were picking up. My best friend got here around 11:15 and things were already starting to get very intense. My friend A needed to make a battery run, so she left to do that, and my best friend K came into the room with me while Chris went to switch over laundry. She had filled up my birth ball for me, but I wanted to lay down cause I was starting to feel nauseated.
When Chris came back I was starting to feel kind of panicky, cause things were getting very hard very fast and I just didn't feel like she was positioned well. I could tell she had gone completely head down, but wasn't moving down in a good way. I wasn't worried about her, I was worried about me, to be honest.
Contractions were still spaced a ways apart, so I knew it wasn't transition yet, so I knew when I was SURE I wanted to go to the hospital it wasn't just me freaking out, it was more than that.
At this point they were coming about 3-4 minutes apart and lasting a minute or so, and I couldn't keep my focus through them at all. That wasn't a good feeling, and I told Chris to grab a few things (my robe, and the camera, I think) and shove them in a bag and that I wanted to go NOW.
The hospital we decided to go to is only about 4? miles away, and I had about 4 contractions on the way there. That was BAD. I was leaning over into the bad seat just dry heaving and screaming, and COULD NOT GET IT TOGETHER. I think that was the worst part. I was able to keep it together in my previous births. I may have been quite vocal but I KNOW screaming tightens, etc. But I could not manage.
We got to the hospital, and I had a few contractions getting into the room and changed. At this point I think it was about 12:30. When whoever it was checked me I was only at 6cm. It wasn't a surprise at all, I knew I wouldn't be farther than that. I had a really hard time getting through things for the next while, and I had just a bit of a lip and was fully dilated close to 2. At this point I was nominally better at vocalizing in good ways except during peaks, but it was still impossible to stay focused through. I was a mess.
She was posterior, kinda badly positioned, but started at some point to have a major issue with decels, and I was fully dilated. They wanted me to push since she WAS starting to have those decels and my water was broken, and so I did, but not well at all. That was really bad. Her heart rate evened out, though, and I pushed for close to half an hour, and she kept going right back up each time. And I could FEEL her head hitting my pubic bones. It just didn't feel right. I told them this and told them I HAD to stop pushing, cause also at that point I literally thought my back and tailbone were on the verge of breaking. So the ob said ok, we'll wait, cause I obviously was NOT going to keep pushing
I told them I really wanted an epidural (again, actually), (I felt ok with this since I would NOT have pit and I was already fully dilated). The nurse I had who was wonderful, got the anesthesiologist in there for me, and somehow I managed to love through getting the epidural put in without moving during a contraction. He didn't hook me up to the drip since they figured I would have the baby any time. One contraction, same awful. Next one, ok. The next? I was just fine. I could still feel them and was completely aware of what my body was doing, but there was no pain. It was amazing. I NEVER thought I would be in a hospital again, with an epidural! and happy about it, but I was. Oh boy, I was. I guess circumstances make all the difference. A posterior baby stuck on pelvic bones with broken water? Yeah... That made the difference to me!
The ob (some random guy I'd never seen before, but he was ok. The obs are really quite superfluous really, ime, as long as they're not jerks) saw that now that I was comfortable and the baby was just fine we could take however long we needed and try to let the baby turn. So I would lay on my right side, then my left, for about half an hour each, then my nurse would ask me to turn again. Which was amusing seeing as how I had an epidural and had a heck of a time maneuvering my legs!! But I managed.
The epidural was done perfectly, too. I really could feel what my body was doing every moment, I could tell when she had finally turned, and just felt her descend really well, in the perfect position this time. They were really hands off, and trusted me to just tell them what I was feeling. My nurse just told me they would check again when the pressure starting feeling almost constant. The epidural was starting to wear off so she called the guy back to just put me on the drip. He was surprised to see me again
During this time dh & I sat listening to a podcast sharing my ipod headphones just holding hands and waiting to meet our new baby girl. That is a wonderful memory. I let my bff come in for a bit, too, then she ran to get her and my dh some food.
And the pressure just got stronger, and my body was pushing. I was still able to breathe through it, though for a little bit longer, and when I was just pushing and I felt like I could poop out the baby any time, I told her I thought the doctor should probably come and check me, she was thinking the same thing.
So he came back in and asked me just to give a little push, and yup, sure enough he told me she had hair and to try to breathe through so as not to push so hard for just a minute so he could change the bed bottom
I didn't even care about being in the stupid laying down position then, she was so far down and perfectly ready to come out it didn't make a bit of difference. I pushed once, knew her head was starting to crown, pushed again, out came her head, then they reminded me to go slow and let her come out , which I was able to do, and there she was! 3 pushes! The cord was wrapped around her neck, (explains a lot of things) and so they cut it soon, which I was totally ok with at that point. Then they handed me my baby girl. (No tearing, barely any swelling, a little bit of a skid mark, but it's nothing really. I can't believe how fine I feel!)
She was so covered in vernix, it was amazing! And she was so small! She was very mucusy, so I actually wanted her suctioned well. She came out pretty fast overall once she actually got down there, so I don't think it all got squeezed out.
(She also choked a few times and puked the first night, too. I had a bulb syringe and actually used it a few times.)
She was born at 5:45pm, 7-19-08. 7lb1oz. 19.5" long. So little!
Wow, I just realized how long this is getting.
Anyway, things went exceptionally well. I had planned a UC, and never thought I would go to a hospital ever again. And while under most any other circumstance I wouldn't have I am very very happy with my decision to go. I listened to myself and made the informed choice when the time came.
I was there on my terms, and I was also there knowing that making the decision to go would make it necessary for me to pick my battles. I think that made all of the difference.
I was open and vocal on my feelings, had a fantastic nurse, even if we didn't agree about hospital/homebirth on some issues, we had a great dialogue and I just enjoyed talking to her.
I was pleased that I didn't have to fight with them not to do anything I wouldn't have wanted to do. They were all overall great.
And I am still fully supportive of UC. homebirth, natural birth, all of it in a big bad way, but I am more appreciative of other circumstances in which a well informed decision can make me in wonder and awe of the magic of a well done epidural.
I feel wonderful, the baby is a marathon nurser and I certainly hope my milk comes in sooner rather than later because she's nursing for HOURS and my nipples are sore I got a fantastic night's sleep last night, though. I am so glad to have been able to go straight into nursing while laying down and sleeping!
Anyway, it wasn't the way I planned to birth, but I am SO HAPPY with the way it went.
Pictures!
Early Saturday morning, July 19th, 8 days before my edd, around 4am, when I was finally going into bed for the night, I went to pee first and because of all the talk of obsessive toilet paper checking, checked my paper, which I had just started doing, and it looked pink tinged. So I wiped again to make sure and yup, it was a bit of light pink.
I told dh as we crawled into bed.
I fell asleep fairly easily but didn't sleep well. I think I was a little excited. I woke up a few times through the night, but was able to go right back to sleep, though not deeply.
At just before 10 I woke up and it felt a little weird down there, and I was wondering if I had mucus plug trying to come out or what. After a few minutes of trying to decide if I wanted to get up to go pee and check there was a little pop and warm fluid. Not a whole lot, but enough that I was pretty sure my water broke (this is the first time it's broken before way late into labor).
I told dh and we got up to put in a load of baby clothes and the new sheets in the laundry. (That day was supposed to be laundry day so it hadn't been done yet!) I had a few mild contractions going to the laundry room and knew that this would be picking up pretty quickly.
When we got back to the apt I lost my plug in a big way. I called my best friend because I suddenly thought I might like to have her there cause we had a bit of stuff to get done. I also called one of my closest friends who lives in my apts who is a professional photographer, and she wanted to at least get some early labor shots if I felt like letting her. So she came over at about 10:45 and my contractions were picking up. My best friend got here around 11:15 and things were already starting to get very intense. My friend A needed to make a battery run, so she left to do that, and my best friend K came into the room with me while Chris went to switch over laundry. She had filled up my birth ball for me, but I wanted to lay down cause I was starting to feel nauseated.
When Chris came back I was starting to feel kind of panicky, cause things were getting very hard very fast and I just didn't feel like she was positioned well. I could tell she had gone completely head down, but wasn't moving down in a good way. I wasn't worried about her, I was worried about me, to be honest.
Contractions were still spaced a ways apart, so I knew it wasn't transition yet, so I knew when I was SURE I wanted to go to the hospital it wasn't just me freaking out, it was more than that.
At this point they were coming about 3-4 minutes apart and lasting a minute or so, and I couldn't keep my focus through them at all. That wasn't a good feeling, and I told Chris to grab a few things (my robe, and the camera, I think) and shove them in a bag and that I wanted to go NOW.
The hospital we decided to go to is only about 4? miles away, and I had about 4 contractions on the way there. That was BAD. I was leaning over into the bad seat just dry heaving and screaming, and COULD NOT GET IT TOGETHER. I think that was the worst part. I was able to keep it together in my previous births. I may have been quite vocal but I KNOW screaming tightens, etc. But I could not manage.
We got to the hospital, and I had a few contractions getting into the room and changed. At this point I think it was about 12:30. When whoever it was checked me I was only at 6cm. It wasn't a surprise at all, I knew I wouldn't be farther than that. I had a really hard time getting through things for the next while, and I had just a bit of a lip and was fully dilated close to 2. At this point I was nominally better at vocalizing in good ways except during peaks, but it was still impossible to stay focused through. I was a mess.
She was posterior, kinda badly positioned, but started at some point to have a major issue with decels, and I was fully dilated. They wanted me to push since she WAS starting to have those decels and my water was broken, and so I did, but not well at all. That was really bad. Her heart rate evened out, though, and I pushed for close to half an hour, and she kept going right back up each time. And I could FEEL her head hitting my pubic bones. It just didn't feel right. I told them this and told them I HAD to stop pushing, cause also at that point I literally thought my back and tailbone were on the verge of breaking. So the ob said ok, we'll wait, cause I obviously was NOT going to keep pushing
I told them I really wanted an epidural (again, actually), (I felt ok with this since I would NOT have pit and I was already fully dilated). The nurse I had who was wonderful, got the anesthesiologist in there for me, and somehow I managed to love through getting the epidural put in without moving during a contraction. He didn't hook me up to the drip since they figured I would have the baby any time. One contraction, same awful. Next one, ok. The next? I was just fine. I could still feel them and was completely aware of what my body was doing, but there was no pain. It was amazing. I NEVER thought I would be in a hospital again, with an epidural! and happy about it, but I was. Oh boy, I was. I guess circumstances make all the difference. A posterior baby stuck on pelvic bones with broken water? Yeah... That made the difference to me!
The ob (some random guy I'd never seen before, but he was ok. The obs are really quite superfluous really, ime, as long as they're not jerks) saw that now that I was comfortable and the baby was just fine we could take however long we needed and try to let the baby turn. So I would lay on my right side, then my left, for about half an hour each, then my nurse would ask me to turn again. Which was amusing seeing as how I had an epidural and had a heck of a time maneuvering my legs!! But I managed.
The epidural was done perfectly, too. I really could feel what my body was doing every moment, I could tell when she had finally turned, and just felt her descend really well, in the perfect position this time. They were really hands off, and trusted me to just tell them what I was feeling. My nurse just told me they would check again when the pressure starting feeling almost constant. The epidural was starting to wear off so she called the guy back to just put me on the drip. He was surprised to see me again
During this time dh & I sat listening to a podcast sharing my ipod headphones just holding hands and waiting to meet our new baby girl. That is a wonderful memory. I let my bff come in for a bit, too, then she ran to get her and my dh some food.
And the pressure just got stronger, and my body was pushing. I was still able to breathe through it, though for a little bit longer, and when I was just pushing and I felt like I could poop out the baby any time, I told her I thought the doctor should probably come and check me, she was thinking the same thing.
So he came back in and asked me just to give a little push, and yup, sure enough he told me she had hair and to try to breathe through so as not to push so hard for just a minute so he could change the bed bottom
I didn't even care about being in the stupid laying down position then, she was so far down and perfectly ready to come out it didn't make a bit of difference. I pushed once, knew her head was starting to crown, pushed again, out came her head, then they reminded me to go slow and let her come out , which I was able to do, and there she was! 3 pushes! The cord was wrapped around her neck, (explains a lot of things) and so they cut it soon, which I was totally ok with at that point. Then they handed me my baby girl. (No tearing, barely any swelling, a little bit of a skid mark, but it's nothing really. I can't believe how fine I feel!)
She was so covered in vernix, it was amazing! And she was so small! She was very mucusy, so I actually wanted her suctioned well. She came out pretty fast overall once she actually got down there, so I don't think it all got squeezed out.
(She also choked a few times and puked the first night, too. I had a bulb syringe and actually used it a few times.)
She was born at 5:45pm, 7-19-08. 7lb1oz. 19.5" long. So little!
Wow, I just realized how long this is getting.
Anyway, things went exceptionally well. I had planned a UC, and never thought I would go to a hospital ever again. And while under most any other circumstance I wouldn't have I am very very happy with my decision to go. I listened to myself and made the informed choice when the time came.
I was there on my terms, and I was also there knowing that making the decision to go would make it necessary for me to pick my battles. I think that made all of the difference.
I was open and vocal on my feelings, had a fantastic nurse, even if we didn't agree about hospital/homebirth on some issues, we had a great dialogue and I just enjoyed talking to her.
I was pleased that I didn't have to fight with them not to do anything I wouldn't have wanted to do. They were all overall great.
And I am still fully supportive of UC. homebirth, natural birth, all of it in a big bad way, but I am more appreciative of other circumstances in which a well informed decision can make me in wonder and awe of the magic of a well done epidural.
I feel wonderful, the baby is a marathon nurser and I certainly hope my milk comes in sooner rather than later because she's nursing for HOURS and my nipples are sore
I got a fantastic night's sleep last night, though. I am so glad to have been able to go straight into nursing while laying down and sleeping!Anyway, it wasn't the way I planned to birth, but I am SO HAPPY with the way it went.
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Update of Random
I haven't been posting regularly for a few reasons, #1 is I have been on the mothering boards a lot lately, and then trying to catch up with my rss feeds. (I sub to 126 blogs currently and some of the blogs, like BoingBoing, Consumerist and TreeHugger are pretty prolific in their posts).
Another reason is it's frustrating to post so often to next to no one.
And there's just so much I'd like to post, but I'm lazy sometimes.
So, where to start? The baby shifted so the SPD pain is significantly better the last few days, even though my back and stomach muscles hurt.
We spent the weekend being lazy and at the pool, which was very nice. But the house, oh I can't even deal with it. I plan to clean some in a little bit cause I feel a bit better today than I have been.
I ate too many carbs over the weekend and woke up feeling awful yesterday :( Concentrating on upping my protein intake and no more processed carbs like that. UGH.
I have wanted to post about thrift stores finds, but haven't yet. I also took some new pics yesterday of my pregnant self and want to put those up soon, but haven't cause both sets of batteries need to be recharged.
I don't want to talk about Mother's Day, other than to say I totally give up. It's been nothing but utter disappointment to me since my first Mother's Day while pregnant 9 years ago. I am hurt, depressed, angry, all of those things. I'm going to give up on this. My kids were awesome, at least. Made me GREAT cards and of course make me feel so loved every single day. SO loved.
We implemented pizza night on Friday and making a note here, Huge Success. I'll post specifics later on. I'll probably just copy and paste a post I made on Mothering earlier.
Been watching Season 2 of Dexter. LOVE it, just as good if not better than the first season. On the edge of my seat with it right now. Nail Biting nerves. Is it wrong to be rooting for the sociopathic serial killer?
I may get to work part time again doing the same thing that I was soon. That would ROCK hardcore! Money is tight and stressful right now, and it sucks.
What, what? In the butt. I said, What , what? In the butt!
Have found some cool things at thrift stores. That's why we purged our books, you know. To buy more. Ha. I've had to have bought at least a dozen since we purged. But I love books, reading, as do Chris and Max, and Miles is getting there with his reading, too.
Both kids are homeschooling and thrilled about it, as am I. VERY happy with it. Wish I had better communication with the ex and his spouse, but I am happy with the set up. They are not doing the homeschooling personally, they have someone hired full time with all 4 of the younger kids in their household. Each kid got to make their own decision on whether they wanted to. Max was the longest holdout and he's just been doing this for about 2 weeks.
I've wanted hsing for them from day 1. I am a big believer that homeschooling with a committed family is by far the best option for kids. However you do it, unschooling (my preference), curriculum based (VERY strongly pro-secular, though), co-op schooling with other like minded families. Homeschooling comes in all shapes and flavors, and peoples silly questions about it bother me. Had to field the mil on Mother's Day about socialization, etc. Argh.
I wish people who don't really want to be educated about a subject feels it's ok to give me the 3rd degree with no intention of really listening. There's a ton of different subjects this can apply to in my experience.
I really want to go see Iron Man this week when the check gets here.
I am going to the Kerrville Folk Festival with a friend this year. Yay! Primitive camping at 7 months! I just know what life will be like for a while after the baby, and getting to laze around, sleep during the hot day, go down to the river to swim and cool off, then stay up late around the fires listening to music and chilling out? I can do that for 3 days! Unfortunately I don't think Chris can come :(
We really need to plan a weekend thing for just us before the baby gets here. I was hoping hoping hoping to be able to afford to go to New Orleans for a long weekend and stay at the B&B where we spent our honeymoon, but financially that just won't happen. Sigh... Maybe just a trip to Austin to hang with friends, that would be nice, too.
We should plan that now. Maybe a midweek trip would be best. Who knows, I need to look at a calendar.
I also need to finish my list for the (bwahahahahaha!!!! I just realized, since i didn't want to call it a shower I was about to type "baby bbq"! Hahahaha!) Baby shower... (cause I guess there's not a better term offhand!) and get it to my best friend so she can get to work on invites. She's been on me, and I've worked on it, just need to finish it.
And really at this point I'm really hoping that no one else gets onesies! We have SO MANY :) I love thrift stores.
I am going ask people for things like frozen meals, dinner, laundry, dishes, those types of gifts :) Those are the best type! I do still have a registry for those who really want it, and there's some stuff I on there I wouldn't mind receiving at all but we can live without them. Well, except for diapers and more bottles! I'm so glad I was able to get the basics already, though.
What else? I'm sure there's more but this is turning into a long random post.
Another reason is it's frustrating to post so often to next to no one.
And there's just so much I'd like to post, but I'm lazy sometimes.
So, where to start? The baby shifted so the SPD pain is significantly better the last few days, even though my back and stomach muscles hurt.
We spent the weekend being lazy and at the pool, which was very nice. But the house, oh I can't even deal with it. I plan to clean some in a little bit cause I feel a bit better today than I have been.
I ate too many carbs over the weekend and woke up feeling awful yesterday :( Concentrating on upping my protein intake and no more processed carbs like that. UGH.
I have wanted to post about thrift stores finds, but haven't yet. I also took some new pics yesterday of my pregnant self and want to put those up soon, but haven't cause both sets of batteries need to be recharged.
I don't want to talk about Mother's Day, other than to say I totally give up. It's been nothing but utter disappointment to me since my first Mother's Day while pregnant 9 years ago. I am hurt, depressed, angry, all of those things. I'm going to give up on this. My kids were awesome, at least. Made me GREAT cards and of course make me feel so loved every single day. SO loved.
We implemented pizza night on Friday and making a note here, Huge Success. I'll post specifics later on. I'll probably just copy and paste a post I made on Mothering earlier.
Been watching Season 2 of Dexter. LOVE it, just as good if not better than the first season. On the edge of my seat with it right now. Nail Biting nerves. Is it wrong to be rooting for the sociopathic serial killer?
I may get to work part time again doing the same thing that I was soon. That would ROCK hardcore! Money is tight and stressful right now, and it sucks.
What, what? In the butt. I said, What , what? In the butt!
Have found some cool things at thrift stores. That's why we purged our books, you know. To buy more. Ha. I've had to have bought at least a dozen since we purged. But I love books, reading, as do Chris and Max, and Miles is getting there with his reading, too.
Both kids are homeschooling and thrilled about it, as am I. VERY happy with it. Wish I had better communication with the ex and his spouse, but I am happy with the set up. They are not doing the homeschooling personally, they have someone hired full time with all 4 of the younger kids in their household. Each kid got to make their own decision on whether they wanted to. Max was the longest holdout and he's just been doing this for about 2 weeks.
I've wanted hsing for them from day 1. I am a big believer that homeschooling with a committed family is by far the best option for kids. However you do it, unschooling (my preference), curriculum based (VERY strongly pro-secular, though), co-op schooling with other like minded families. Homeschooling comes in all shapes and flavors, and peoples silly questions about it bother me. Had to field the mil on Mother's Day about socialization, etc. Argh.
I wish people who don't really want to be educated about a subject feels it's ok to give me the 3rd degree with no intention of really listening. There's a ton of different subjects this can apply to in my experience.
I really want to go see Iron Man this week when the check gets here.
I am going to the Kerrville Folk Festival with a friend this year. Yay! Primitive camping at 7 months! I just know what life will be like for a while after the baby, and getting to laze around, sleep during the hot day, go down to the river to swim and cool off, then stay up late around the fires listening to music and chilling out? I can do that for 3 days! Unfortunately I don't think Chris can come :(
We really need to plan a weekend thing for just us before the baby gets here. I was hoping hoping hoping to be able to afford to go to New Orleans for a long weekend and stay at the B&B where we spent our honeymoon, but financially that just won't happen. Sigh... Maybe just a trip to Austin to hang with friends, that would be nice, too.
We should plan that now. Maybe a midweek trip would be best. Who knows, I need to look at a calendar.
I also need to finish my list for the (bwahahahahaha!!!! I just realized, since i didn't want to call it a shower I was about to type "baby bbq"! Hahahaha!) Baby shower... (cause I guess there's not a better term offhand!) and get it to my best friend so she can get to work on invites. She's been on me, and I've worked on it, just need to finish it.
And really at this point I'm really hoping that no one else gets onesies! We have SO MANY :) I love thrift stores.
I am going ask people for things like frozen meals, dinner, laundry, dishes, those types of gifts :) Those are the best type! I do still have a registry for those who really want it, and there's some stuff I on there I wouldn't mind receiving at all but we can live without them. Well, except for diapers and more bottles! I'm so glad I was able to get the basics already, though.
What else? I'm sure there's more but this is turning into a long random post.
Monday, May 5, 2008
A Quick Update
I haven't updated in several days, maybe even nearly a week. I figure I'll catch up this week. I was certainly happy to read about Blogger's new feature of being able to auto post by setting up times.
I felt like I was a little too post happy last week and I think this will let me do more posting like I would like without bombarding anyone.
It's late and we just finished watching another episode of Dexter. I love that show. We're 3 episodes into the 2nd season now and it's still fantastic.
We went to Galveston yesterday for a birthday party and that was great, I will post pictures soon. Here's a sneak peak:
They were fine in the water (I got in a bit, too and it was nice and warm) but out of the water in the wind and those boys were cold and wet.
It was in the mid 80s here yesterday, but that's almost cold for a TX beach. I can never figure out people from other areas of the country that think 75 is balmy and go swimming in a pool, that's insane to me! I think my kids are the same way. :)
It's been a good weekend, and I have made my to do list for the week (and really, there's not a whole lot on there I can come up with), and am looking forward to getting the rest of the house in order. It's almost there!
I felt like I was a little too post happy last week and I think this will let me do more posting like I would like without bombarding anyone.
It's late and we just finished watching another episode of Dexter. I love that show. We're 3 episodes into the 2nd season now and it's still fantastic.
We went to Galveston yesterday for a birthday party and that was great, I will post pictures soon. Here's a sneak peak:
They were fine in the water (I got in a bit, too and it was nice and warm) but out of the water in the wind and those boys were cold and wet.
It was in the mid 80s here yesterday, but that's almost cold for a TX beach. I can never figure out people from other areas of the country that think 75 is balmy and go swimming in a pool, that's insane to me! I think my kids are the same way. :)
It's been a good weekend, and I have made my to do list for the week (and really, there's not a whole lot on there I can come up with), and am looking forward to getting the rest of the house in order. It's almost there!
Saturday, April 26, 2008
On Being a Good Enough Parent
Cathy over at Chief Family Officer participated in the My Life in Six Words meme, and I think hers is a great one: I'm not perfect, but good enough.
She also asked other people out there reading to talk about being a "good enough" parent.
This was a very hard place for me to get to in my life. I have an unusual situation among most of the mothers that I know in that I am not the primary custodial parent to my boys. It took me four years of very difficult processing to get to a place of being as ok with this as I think I can be. Of course, it sucks more than you can possibly imagine, and it's not something that most mothers can even fathom. I couldn't either for a very long time.
I've blogged before about my very difficult time with severe PPD after my 2nd child was born, along with undiagnosed and spiraling out of control bipolarII. I was also in a relationship that I didn't feel supported in and putting that and the decision to leave that marriage in the midst of all of this going on made things impossible for me to be a full time mother as I had been since the birth of my oldest child.
I felt completely lost and helpless and like I was simply a bad person in my inability to communicate with my spouse, take care of my children perfectly all of the time, and to deal with my severe depression over it all.
I had a bit of a mental breakdown and could not sustain that life. I still stayed home with the kids full time after we separated, for nearly a year, and I still just felt overwhelmed and incapable of taking care of myself well and exhausting myself in every way struggling to care for the kids. When he filed the divorce and the custody arrangement came up, there wasn't anything different I could have done at the time. That was my biggest obstacle, accepting that it was the best decision at the time. Especially once I was treated and could see that it was the mental illness and not me simply being a bad person.
Since that time I have had to do a lot of work to forgive myself, to stop blaming myself, and to come to terms with the impact my mental illness had. For a long time I wanted nothing more than to go back and do anything I could do to change the way things happened.
But I had to rethink that, because I did do the best I could, and I did do everything that was in my capability at the time.
This is something I have to live with now. While I could attempt to change it around and take it to court and all of that, not only is it beyond my financial means, but I feel like it could be detrimental to my children. I have just recently seen what kind of stress a parent can put on their children by just this very thing. It isn't fair to the kids and it can be a selfish road to take.
If I felt that my children were suffering greatly in this situation, I would, but while there are definite difficulties in the situation (mostly involving me and their father at times), things are ok for them. Not ideal for me, but they are ok. My children are well taken care of and happy, they have two sets of very loving and involved parents who make them their priority, they have lived their lives in this way for nearly 5 years now. I would jump at the chance for things to be different, but not at the detriment of my kids.
This is the way my reality of mothering is, and I have come to accept it.
I did what was the best I could do, and it was good enough. My kids will undoubtedly have some things to work through as they get older, but I think to a certain extent most people do. Even if they have an "ideal" childhood, there are things that will crop up, and will need to be worked through.
I am not a perfect mother, but I am an awesome mother. I kick all kinds of ass when it comes to parenting my children, and I know that I do.
It also took me 4 years of adamantly denying even the thought of ever having another child. I sincerely did not believe I deserved to raise another one, since I felt so much like I failed the children I already had.
After a lot of work in dealing with my feelings about my situation, I finally got to the point of being ok with having done what I could and that it wasn't my fault. I didn't choose the mental illness, I didn't choose the PPD, I didn't choose to be unable to care properly for my children for a period of time.
And once I worked through all of this, lo and behold, I was finally able to also realize that I did want another child. Another child with my husband,, my life partner, my best friend, the awesome step parent to my children. And of course, a month after we started talking about it and we decided to try in about a year, I felt a little funny and peed on a stick, and here I am, at 27 weeks pregnant with our daughter.
With this preganancy, there has been the acceptance of not being able to breastfeed due to the medications I have to take to control my illness and be able to be a good mother. And that I don't actually want to co-sleep for 3 years this time. I just don't. And I am not doing cloth diapers this time.
I had a little bit of mourning over the breastfeeding thing, but I know that this is what I need to do. It still hits me sometimes, and makes me a little sad, but I know that my mental health is the most important part of my ability to parent. The other things are just my own decisions and wisdom of my own limitations and what causes me undue stress, etc. Well managed mental health care for is the best thing I can give all of my children and my family and myself, this is the first priority always.
And I also have had occasion bouts of guilt when it comes to my two oldest children. They have been less than thrilled with this baby, and I know that it comes from (because they have told me) them not being here with me all of the time like this baby will be. That's hard. But I do everything I can to allow their feelings, to try to reassure them that they will not receive any less attention from me because of the baby, etc. There is only so much I can say to them to make them feel better, so they will just have to see it to believe it.
I also drink more caffeine that I should while pregnant sometimes, and other times all I eat is cereal and soymilk. Meh. Don't sweat the small stuff, I say.
Wow, this has become a long post. I'm sure there are some other things I would have liked to have touched on, but brain melty and it's late.
I also wanted to add in a six word thing, but haven't thought of one for myself. I will think about it some more and post it another time. It's 4am and I want to go to the farmer's market in the morning. If only I could sleep!
She also asked other people out there reading to talk about being a "good enough" parent.
This was a very hard place for me to get to in my life. I have an unusual situation among most of the mothers that I know in that I am not the primary custodial parent to my boys. It took me four years of very difficult processing to get to a place of being as ok with this as I think I can be. Of course, it sucks more than you can possibly imagine, and it's not something that most mothers can even fathom. I couldn't either for a very long time.
I've blogged before about my very difficult time with severe PPD after my 2nd child was born, along with undiagnosed and spiraling out of control bipolarII. I was also in a relationship that I didn't feel supported in and putting that and the decision to leave that marriage in the midst of all of this going on made things impossible for me to be a full time mother as I had been since the birth of my oldest child.
I felt completely lost and helpless and like I was simply a bad person in my inability to communicate with my spouse, take care of my children perfectly all of the time, and to deal with my severe depression over it all.
I had a bit of a mental breakdown and could not sustain that life. I still stayed home with the kids full time after we separated, for nearly a year, and I still just felt overwhelmed and incapable of taking care of myself well and exhausting myself in every way struggling to care for the kids. When he filed the divorce and the custody arrangement came up, there wasn't anything different I could have done at the time. That was my biggest obstacle, accepting that it was the best decision at the time. Especially once I was treated and could see that it was the mental illness and not me simply being a bad person.
Since that time I have had to do a lot of work to forgive myself, to stop blaming myself, and to come to terms with the impact my mental illness had. For a long time I wanted nothing more than to go back and do anything I could do to change the way things happened.
But I had to rethink that, because I did do the best I could, and I did do everything that was in my capability at the time.
This is something I have to live with now. While I could attempt to change it around and take it to court and all of that, not only is it beyond my financial means, but I feel like it could be detrimental to my children. I have just recently seen what kind of stress a parent can put on their children by just this very thing. It isn't fair to the kids and it can be a selfish road to take.
If I felt that my children were suffering greatly in this situation, I would, but while there are definite difficulties in the situation (mostly involving me and their father at times), things are ok for them. Not ideal for me, but they are ok. My children are well taken care of and happy, they have two sets of very loving and involved parents who make them their priority, they have lived their lives in this way for nearly 5 years now. I would jump at the chance for things to be different, but not at the detriment of my kids.
This is the way my reality of mothering is, and I have come to accept it.
I did what was the best I could do, and it was good enough. My kids will undoubtedly have some things to work through as they get older, but I think to a certain extent most people do. Even if they have an "ideal" childhood, there are things that will crop up, and will need to be worked through.
I am not a perfect mother, but I am an awesome mother. I kick all kinds of ass when it comes to parenting my children, and I know that I do.
It also took me 4 years of adamantly denying even the thought of ever having another child. I sincerely did not believe I deserved to raise another one, since I felt so much like I failed the children I already had.
After a lot of work in dealing with my feelings about my situation, I finally got to the point of being ok with having done what I could and that it wasn't my fault. I didn't choose the mental illness, I didn't choose the PPD, I didn't choose to be unable to care properly for my children for a period of time.
And once I worked through all of this, lo and behold, I was finally able to also realize that I did want another child. Another child with my husband,, my life partner, my best friend, the awesome step parent to my children. And of course, a month after we started talking about it and we decided to try in about a year, I felt a little funny and peed on a stick, and here I am, at 27 weeks pregnant with our daughter.
With this preganancy, there has been the acceptance of not being able to breastfeed due to the medications I have to take to control my illness and be able to be a good mother. And that I don't actually want to co-sleep for 3 years this time. I just don't. And I am not doing cloth diapers this time.
I had a little bit of mourning over the breastfeeding thing, but I know that this is what I need to do. It still hits me sometimes, and makes me a little sad, but I know that my mental health is the most important part of my ability to parent. The other things are just my own decisions and wisdom of my own limitations and what causes me undue stress, etc. Well managed mental health care for is the best thing I can give all of my children and my family and myself, this is the first priority always.
And I also have had occasion bouts of guilt when it comes to my two oldest children. They have been less than thrilled with this baby, and I know that it comes from (because they have told me) them not being here with me all of the time like this baby will be. That's hard. But I do everything I can to allow their feelings, to try to reassure them that they will not receive any less attention from me because of the baby, etc. There is only so much I can say to them to make them feel better, so they will just have to see it to believe it.
I also drink more caffeine that I should while pregnant sometimes, and other times all I eat is cereal and soymilk. Meh. Don't sweat the small stuff, I say.
Wow, this has become a long post. I'm sure there are some other things I would have liked to have touched on, but brain melty and it's late.
I also wanted to add in a six word thing, but haven't thought of one for myself. I will think about it some more and post it another time. It's 4am and I want to go to the farmer's market in the morning. If only I could sleep!
Saturday, March 8, 2008
Long Day, Busy Week
This past week went by really quickly! I'm not even sure where it all went. It felt busy, though.
So, this week I made a few recipes from different blogs and they were wonderful!
First I made made this Smoky Refried Bean Soup and it was wonderful. The only things I did differently was I left out the green pepper, I didn't have any and I am not thrilled about them cooked. I love them raw, though. And then I substituted a chipotle in adobo for the chili powder, hot sauce and paprika. For the tomatoes called for in the recipe I used the Muir Glen Organic's Fire Roasted Tomatoes. Between those and the chipotle and adobo sauce, it had a great smoky flavor. It also had the perfect amount of spice to it. It was super simple to make, too.
Another thing I made were these Banana Cookies. OH, they were good! They were like banana nut bread in a cookie. YUM! I didn't add the clove to the recipe, and I'm not sure I will in the future.
In my veggie box this week I got 4 heads of wonderful red and green leaf lettuce, a huge bunch of cilantro, 4 smallish onions with green parts, one bunch of bright lights swiss chard, and one bunch of beets with greens. I think that was it. It was all gorgeous and the other night I made an awesome salad that went a little like this:
Wash and dry green and red lettuce, tear into pieces.
Dry roast half a cup of pecan halves until fragrant, toss them onto the lettuce.
Cut 1 1/2 navel oranges into segments and add to the salad.
Squeeze the 2nd half of the left over orange over the salad.
Add a large handful of cilantro very finely chopped to salad over oranges.
Add as much fresh goat cheese, crumbled (the best you can with goat cheese), onto the salad as you like.
Squeeze a lime over, add fresh black pepper.
That was a mighty fine salad. The only thing I lamented not having on hand was a red onion. I would have taken a quarter of it or so, finely chopped it and added that as well.
Today was a TaeKwonDo class and clinic for the oldest. The clinic was board breaking. He broke his first 3 boards ever, and was THRILLED with this, as you can imagine an 8 year old to be! I was so proud of him, he loves this sport and is so into it.
He used hands and elbows to break the first 2, then the 3rd, he decided to do a kick. The board broke into 3 and the 3rd piece flew way over the instructor's head. No one else's board did that, so of course that was a big deal, too.
Unfortunately, due to an accident on the interstate on our way to get there, we didn't have time stop and pick up a new digital camera before this. ARGH. That was very disappointing. We did get a new one afterwards, though, so I'll have new pictures to be posting again soon.
We ended up getting another Canon Powershot, which is what our last one was, and it was a great camera. It suffered an unfortunate fall several months ago, but in the 2 years we'd had it, we never had an issue with it, other than it's lack of indestructibility. ;)
The new one is a much improved 8MP, with a 4x zoom, and it was a very reasonable price. It's amazing how much things change in just two years' time regarding technology.
I have so many things I would like to post about, but I have been so tired by the time I get to sit in front of my computer in the evenings that I only manage to make it maybe halfway through my blog feeds before I just crash. I haven't had much energy for posting!
And now, the RIAA is stealing my sleep (heh), and I have to do that whole coffee demo thing in the morning at what will actually be 9 to my poor brain instead of 10 like it should be!
Also, it's still cold. WTF? It's over a week into March! I'm in Texas! It's supposed to be pushing 80 on a regular basis at this point. I am not ok with this weather thing, and I would like to call for a moratorium on all of this unseasonably cold weather.
I think I may need some sleep!
So, this week I made a few recipes from different blogs and they were wonderful!
First I made made this Smoky Refried Bean Soup and it was wonderful. The only things I did differently was I left out the green pepper, I didn't have any and I am not thrilled about them cooked. I love them raw, though. And then I substituted a chipotle in adobo for the chili powder, hot sauce and paprika. For the tomatoes called for in the recipe I used the Muir Glen Organic's Fire Roasted Tomatoes. Between those and the chipotle and adobo sauce, it had a great smoky flavor. It also had the perfect amount of spice to it. It was super simple to make, too.
Another thing I made were these Banana Cookies. OH, they were good! They were like banana nut bread in a cookie. YUM! I didn't add the clove to the recipe, and I'm not sure I will in the future.
In my veggie box this week I got 4 heads of wonderful red and green leaf lettuce, a huge bunch of cilantro, 4 smallish onions with green parts, one bunch of bright lights swiss chard, and one bunch of beets with greens. I think that was it. It was all gorgeous and the other night I made an awesome salad that went a little like this:
Wash and dry green and red lettuce, tear into pieces.
Dry roast half a cup of pecan halves until fragrant, toss them onto the lettuce.
Cut 1 1/2 navel oranges into segments and add to the salad.
Squeeze the 2nd half of the left over orange over the salad.
Add a large handful of cilantro very finely chopped to salad over oranges.
Add as much fresh goat cheese, crumbled (the best you can with goat cheese), onto the salad as you like.
Squeeze a lime over, add fresh black pepper.
That was a mighty fine salad. The only thing I lamented not having on hand was a red onion. I would have taken a quarter of it or so, finely chopped it and added that as well.
Today was a TaeKwonDo class and clinic for the oldest. The clinic was board breaking. He broke his first 3 boards ever, and was THRILLED with this, as you can imagine an 8 year old to be! I was so proud of him, he loves this sport and is so into it.
He used hands and elbows to break the first 2, then the 3rd, he decided to do a kick. The board broke into 3 and the 3rd piece flew way over the instructor's head. No one else's board did that, so of course that was a big deal, too.
Unfortunately, due to an accident on the interstate on our way to get there, we didn't have time stop and pick up a new digital camera before this. ARGH. That was very disappointing. We did get a new one afterwards, though, so I'll have new pictures to be posting again soon.
We ended up getting another Canon Powershot, which is what our last one was, and it was a great camera. It suffered an unfortunate fall several months ago, but in the 2 years we'd had it, we never had an issue with it, other than it's lack of indestructibility. ;)
The new one is a much improved 8MP, with a 4x zoom, and it was a very reasonable price. It's amazing how much things change in just two years' time regarding technology.
I have so many things I would like to post about, but I have been so tired by the time I get to sit in front of my computer in the evenings that I only manage to make it maybe halfway through my blog feeds before I just crash. I haven't had much energy for posting!
And now, the RIAA is stealing my sleep (heh), and I have to do that whole coffee demo thing in the morning at what will actually be 9 to my poor brain instead of 10 like it should be!
Also, it's still cold. WTF? It's over a week into March! I'm in Texas! It's supposed to be pushing 80 on a regular basis at this point. I am not ok with this weather thing, and I would like to call for a moratorium on all of this unseasonably cold weather.
I think I may need some sleep!
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